On letting Things Go // But Not Really

Saying 'no' to myself.

Two weeks ago, I realised that having committed to writing a weekly (paid) newsletter on Substack, I’d taken away the joy this platform once made me feel. This is not a problem with Substack, or the brilliant audience here, but one with me - and how I view art.

As a freelance writer and editor, every thought I have has the potential to become a story, and that story could pay my bills. My poetry was once separate from that, something I never thought had potential and thus became one of the few real things I did just for myself. By blessings I couldn’t have imagined, poetry is now part of my job and livelihood. Then came Substack, or rather I started to pay attention to Substack. Realising that maybe, as a subscriber of many letters, I could have my own.

It was great, for a while. I couldn’t monetise it, whilst working in-house at magazines, for various non-compete reasons, and so it was just a place to share culture and write in a way that felt akin to blogging days. And then I went freelance, and it became a potential revenue stream. One that people told me I should plug. Someone told me they made the same salary on here as they did as an Editor at a national magazine- and I fell for it. Not that it was a lie, I’m sure they do, but that I could or should do the same.

The thing is, I don’t want It’s Not That Bad to be another business for me. I don’t want for everything I write to be focused on profit.

The buzz I get from writing for publications and newspapers will never go, it still feels like Christmas morning when I get a new byline. And if I focused all my work here, then that feeling would go. In a job that is already so isolated, I don’t want my main income to be from a platform where no one edits me.

I realised recently that something had to go. That I can’t keep up with dozens of deadlines, work on big projects, have different media clients, be creative with my poetry, post on FGRLS CLUB daily, and have any sort of work/life balance. So, I de-committed myself from the self-imposed pressure of a weekly culture roundup, and a monthly poetry, newsletter.

Only a handful of people messaged to ask where I’d gone, the last couple of weeks. Which was good, because it told me something I already know: no one cares about your work as much as you do. You don’t, as a writer, have to be doing the latest thing or add yet another skill to your CV.

So, It’s Not That Bad is going back to basics. I will be writing here as and when the mood takes me. I will be reading other people’s work on here daily. And, maybe, in a few months I’ll change my mind and try some structure on Substack again. Either way, it’s okay, and it (in the best way possible) absolutely does not matter.

This newsletter is now free to read, for all, but you can pledge your support if you’d so like. I’d be very thankful.

All my love,

Chloe x